#76—TROMBONES

I write for myself and no one else. I write for all the selves–and no other selves.  I write for you to show you what you can do–to show you what is also inside you. I write to give you a window of opportunity—and a window to look and see what the heck is happening inside those other recesses.  

I also write to experience recess–to play and dance be as stupid and silly as I can be. I write to get off the train–and get on the bus.  Because–you’re either on the bus or not on the bus.  I write for metaphor and to find the right one to guide me through thick and thin.

And how badly do I want to be on that bus–to go somewhere with my life–to get beyond what I know–to escape the claws and clutches of conformity. I write to unveil and give renderings to the eclipses of the mind–and to get a reservation for the upcoming event–before it’s too late, or it’s too crowded–and all spaces taken. I write to get a front-row seat, a birds-eye view of this thing called ‘my life.’  

And I write to find and synthesize my quest for unity and integration–to give meaning and music to what I sense and feel.  I write to shed the chain and fly free and I want to wrestle all the dogma and pretentious ideologies from all those who would seek to enslave, entrap or manipulate others. I am doing all of this–not just for me, but for you.

ENCHANTMENT IS ANOTHER WORD FOR ‘NOTHING LEFT TO LOSE’

There was one more thing I wanted to say before I died–and before I took that hellacious last breath–and it wasn’t anything to do with corny outpourings of love–the kind of hocus pocus I’d heard spilling out of too many mouths making their way towards that ultimate destination.

No–what I desired to deliver had to do with outrage and vigilance– sense of time ticking and our minds flicking and clicking onto the next distraction. Fuh-get it as my buddy from the East River emphasized whenever he detected me getting out of hand with my idealistic boastings during our Greenwich Village walkabouts—unaffected by time and place we were–just two blundering lost souls determined to coax whatever truth was available from the lingering bottle of reality still within our grasp.  

Oh–how I knew and know how inappropriate and how badass it is to speaking so morosely about the ‘writing process’ but let me be vague and commit this one last atrocity–that I will not take advice from a name in this game–one who has reached a level of fame purporting to advise us knows no shame and seems to err on the side of ‘the lame.’  

Meaning, go find your own fix, your own junk to slay your dragons with. Pop a few loose ends into your dirty prose–and grab a straightjacket for the leftovers.  Once you find yourself no longer pinned to any mat, you will then have the tools to proceed further upon the pathless path.  Peace out and go.

BIG PLANS

Had so much on my mind–and so much in my body–could barely contain myself–and track a singular thread of thought–wanting so badly and desperately to tap into the tonic of truth–in whatever shape or form it could take–having it be instilled with this great ambition and comprehension of science and philosophy, history and psychology.  

For an enduring second, I pondered what my 21-year-old daughter would think–and if she’d scoff dismissively or nod her head admiringly.  And then, I got the scarecrow’s delight when encountering a nemesis from the past in field unequal in its traction and footing–and thereby finding myself not be intimidated or induced in the least.

Ah, how liberating is the welcomed tone of normalcy–absent the frigidity of fear–the cluster-eff of anxiety, the burden of my own innoculated drama.  Now–having seen through this blunder and plunder, I can most readily report back to you and YOURS–the need for speed when it comes to churning out a version of prose I would want to classify as scintillating and oh-so-delightful to the ear.  

As in, no need to hold back–just let it all fall and arrive, even if several components of sound and fury are trying to squeeze in through your ever-revolving door of perception.  Good luck and rock on!

PSYCHO-BABBLE

I have begun to think how very odd it is to penetrate the light and transform the dark.  Where’d the idea come from? Why do such notions and potions even occur to me?  Ah, the journey towards what matters and what doesn’t seems so obtuse–unsquared and lacking real edges.  

How to manage such a state of relative or seeming disarray with the mere tool of language as your guide and ride?  How I see fit to it–not the same as you would.  Though our species identical–and our genetic material in common–our paths and directions–the assumptions embedded and/or threaded throughout our consciousness different enough to engender a uniqueness of great magnificence.

What’s incredible is that we even thought to do a one-size fits all approach.  In line with the spiritual teachings around the debatable theories of reincarnation–as in ‘where in tar-nation do all the new souls come from as our global population increases at such bewildering rates?  Such elation to be one of the lucky few–and so everytime you’re ready to decry your circumstances–remember to remember the alternative–that you were never born–that there was no you.

And imagine, for a moment–if this feeling and sense of solid wonder and amazement circulated and circumscribed every word you slapped upon thy page.  Oh such merit and such sweat and such inspiration behind the act.  Beautiful!  Do it!

BOOK IT!

Are you writing out of your mind? Out of your heart–out of ambition or desire? Are you writing to stretch the truth–and distort reality–to  create a false or parallel narrative that might fully suffice once the phoenix makes its way across the ocean to rise from those ashes.  

With that–I am double daring you to do something you’ve not done—and how you will know what that may or may not be is a litmus test for the mindset you can and want to bring to the page. It’s why there are so many how-to books on writing–and so many classes—and why so many folks think it’s a good idea to write, and how appealing it sounds–but the reality of doing it–oh shit! It’s hard, man–and it makes you face and encounter your self–and that really sucks!  

Where is that donut you got for me–and can I finish watching that documentary about the Nigerian oil spill?   I’m trying to tell you not to be afraid–and to reorient your mind around  doing something–finding the means and wherewithal towards CAN–and turning that CAN into a HAVE TO. This will get your mind to take funny little leaps, somersaults and quirky back-flips.

You’ll begin the path towards transformation–you’ll get outside the shell of your acculturated consciousness–and onto a whole new path of learning, being and doing this work. Peace out and onwards!

FALLING IN LOVE FOR THE THIRD TIME–A CHARM!

Write in a different voice today–not your own.  Anothers–and let them talk and yell and scream and wax poetic–rant and rave about this or that. Don’t hold back. It’s not you–so you can do that.

Cut loose–and have a party.  Why not–and why do we always think we have to be ourselves on the page–and what are we thinking that the point and purpose is for writing. Are you trying for fame and fortune?

Do want to catch that buzz, ride the wave, or touch the void?  Perhaps you have a story you want to tell–and then you want others to tell you how good you at  doing this–at painting a picture with words—and creating tension with the slightest arch of the eyebrows.  Or you could cut to the chase–and express the biggest ambition possible–something that is way beyond your reach–that you are ashamed for even admitting the flicker of thought and devoted time spent considering such.  

And then keeping on with it—this aspiration and ambition–detailing its discovery–and your ultimate recovery from the bin of buried dreams. I wish I could do this for you–but I can’t.  Thankfully–you have to take this on yourself–as well, I’m too busy trying to calculate the square root of own altered states of diffusion–as each thought which manages to squeeze through my semi-permeable membrane is given the capacity to transform the most sickly of beings.  

Peace out and good luck!

#70–MORE DANCING

You are on a journey.  You might know the general direction and purpose as you make your way, but there could come periods or moments when it seems to be less than clear.  Want to reaffirm how creative and intentional you have to be. How you have to be determined–and how that determination can be the difference-maker.

Many kinds of fears might arise–some might even seem legitimate–not just ones that are paranoid and externally-influenced.  All of it is part of the learning and it’s why the sages remind us that it’s not about what you’ve forgotten but more importantly it’s about what you remember.

When I am in a difficult stretch, I try to have the wherewithal to tell myself that I want to remember what this feels like–and what thoughts I had while going through this period of doubt, anguish, pain. One hallmark seems to be the imposed humility and desperation–that I would suddenly want to be nicer and I would suddenly be glad to just do anything for the next person who crosses my path.  And that gets me to wonder if I could always be this way.

It’s similar to what was happening in our towns just after 9/11–how people described this close intimacy with their fellow beings–strangers no longer strangers–but united by the sharing of a tragedy–and the uncertainty around it all.   As you make your way further and further into the journey of writing–keep pondering the tone and perspective you want to bring to the page.  

Good luck and peace out!

BUSINESS

Out of my mind and out of ideas. But still writing. Can you do it? Go on and press on even when it’s not going to reflect good on you–and it might strip away some illusions and delusions you carry with you about the work. Let me tell you a story–about free will. You have it. You can do the work.

Or not do the work.

You can challenge yourself to write more or differently or truly or thrillingly–or not.  You can take the long view or you can seek immediate gratification and praise that would get parsed out way too lavishly. Praise is nice food–but soon it will be digested and you’ll be hungry once again.

Better to do something about that kind of hunger–not necessary to sustain the practice–just turn you into an obedient monkey–but not into your true self–and not into a participant and learner who architects their own journey–without knowing exactly where they are going.  

You should read my blog and look at it  closely enough to see and notice all the missteps I have made–all the failures and so-called ‘bad’ writing I have churned out. I am letting this happen for a reason–I don’t want to be like the famous authors who give you a false impression about writing–that somehow doing the work is only about doing it to your own satisfaction. No way!

Just so you know–doing the work is doing the work–and you want to do it often enough so that you get humbled–and you want to be humbled enough so that when you do end up writing something deemed ‘good’ you take it with a grain of salt–and you don’t take credit for it. You might even think it was pure luck–and that you didn’t even really do it–you were just a transmitter for that voice which ended up on the page.  Peace out and get busy!

RHYME SCHEME AND RAM SCAM

Just gotta love and desire–not necessarily in that order–but potentially so–that of finding the right and improper voice for what you are about to write–such a trial and error deal it can be–and so fraught with risk and reward.

So conditioned we are to abstain from nonsense and veer and gear our rationale towards reasonability and meaning–when I’m asking you to be more counter-intuitive and slightly off-kilter in your approach.

Realizing the only way you’ll probably be able to convince yourself to do this is if you write more–and the more you write, the more fed-up you will become with whatever it is you have been doing with writing.  If you’ve been taught incorrectly and the culture has had its way with you–then it is very likely you will try to bulldog your way through this china shop–when it might actually be more appropriate to tip-toe your way outta dat place–and into the pawn version down the way.  

Your exposure to the down and dirty–and to the apathetic and desperate could unlock, unhinge, or unburden something inside your soulful self–and it might just liberate you into a whole other dance and rhythm and beat for formulating the narrative stream.  Language has much to do with it–and so does sentence length. Punctuation also an option up for discussion. Don’t forget about point of view, perspective and authorial splendor!